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[12 Dec 2009|04:33am] |
"Meet me on the level 2 serenity clinic," she says.
Why do I wake up at 7a.m. when i don't have work til 11.
They introduced a new model at work today. The liason says it will completely rewire our network... I'm not quite convinced. I've a gentleman's agreement with the Witch Doctor that it won't last long before things are back to normal.
One thing is certain, we are going to create a beautiful world, we will be rich, and our creations will all call us Heaven.
Millionaires on paper.
go home, go to bed, can't sleep.
I feel like I'm failing
like I'm ctrl+C, ctrl+V'ing
ctrl+C, ctrl+V'ing
but I've got to meet quotas before launch
The Rest is not my problem.
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[04 Oct 2009|12:49pm] |
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Being baptized in that muddy water full of silt made turned my soul to pure white. Its over for me now. I always said that i would do so many things differently if I could just go back, but honestly I wouldn't change a thing.
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| End Government Aid to Africa! |
[23 Sep 2009|08:30am] |
Dr. William Easterly, one of the greatest minds on the development of Africa just commented on one of my facebook comments "Combine a compassionate heart with a skeptical head!"
pretty righteous, huh
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[09 Jun 2009|01:49am] |
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I want to be 20 forever.
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| Come, let's welcome spring in together... |
[18 Apr 2009|10:32pm] |
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I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest film. No lies whatsoever. I thought I had something so simple to say. Something useful to everybody. A film that could help bury forever all those dead things we carry within ourselves. Instead, I'm the one without the courage to bury anything at all. When did I go wrong? I really have nothing to say, but I want to say it all the same.
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| A Full Year to the Day, and Yet My Mind Stands Firm... |
[30 Mar 2009|10:13pm] |
The following spring I was to leave the preparatory and enter a university. I was still undecided, however, as to where and what I would study. I had grown a thin mustache, I was a full grown man, and yet I was completely helpless and without a goal in life. Only one thing was certain: the voice within me, the dream image. I felt the duty to follow this voice blindly wherever it might lead me. But it was difficult and each day I rebelled against it anew. Perhaps I was mad, as I thought at the moment, perhaps i was not like other men? But I was able to do the same things as others did; with a little effort and industry i could read Plato, was able to solve problems in trigonometry or follow a chemical analysis. There was only one thing I could not do: wrest the dark secret goal from myself and keep it before me as others did who knew exactly what they wanted to be- professors, lawyers, doctors, artists, however long this would take them and whatever wake. This I could not do. Perhaps I would become something similar, but how was I to know? Perhaps I would have to continue my search for years on end and would not become anything, and would not reach a goal. Perhaps I would reach this goal and it would turn out to be an evil, dangerous, horrible one?
I only wanted to live in accords with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so difficult.
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| I Hate Thesis Statements, They Give Away the Ending. |
[19 Mar 2009|10:09pm] |
Every Thursday I face a great obstacle, usually roads and weather. Today my carriage. I was defeated. I was arrogant. My tire... destroyed, worn thin by that dangerous road I travel every Thursday. Today I am alone... isolated... paralyzed.
...oh well, I have no sorrow. Tires can be replaced.
Every paper I have turned in this semester have been by all means "rough drafts." I haven't read any of the before turning them in. I just type, hit spell check and turn them in. The funny thing is I do well on them. The two classes that I had been assigned midterm written reports the professor specifically note my paper as they passed them back to the class. I was really surprised by my Geography of Africa professor's comments he made to the class about mine, which is cool because over half the class is a posse of geography major/african studies/world studies brown-nosers turning in their double laminated papers with colored charts and maps and 12 pages appendixes.
... but the conclusion was so rushed, my concepts aimless, at poked-at but didn't break through to the fact that the men leave Ngara to seek work in Ghana, Cote d'Ivoire, or Senegal...
...oh well. I well never be content, at least I got the grade.
I like Thesis Metaphors,
aaron 4
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| Nails Nathan |
[13 Mar 2009|04:22am] |
first post while drunk, prabably. pulling some Bukowski here.
ahh, women. they lie to me, but i lie to them. well i wouldnt say I lay; more like i'm not honest. but what is the difference? haha.
it is freedom vs. security.
painful honesty and foreverity of purity or lies and foreverity of pain.
i want to choose the former, but the is so much primeval emotion persuading me not to.
(refer to the previous entry) i wish for laziness but i find myself seeking fear.
i was recently challenged by a friend to make a horror film/script without gore(my thoughts were what about those who don't fear death[because mutilation plays off the fear of death] how can you scare those who do no fear this. how do you scare those who believe in no afterlife and those who believe in afterlife?), and really it doesnt seem so hard. is not loss of identity frightening, loss of soul, mean your purpose of life is taken from you. i can think of nothing more frightening.
an inebriated aaron 4 3 or 1 or 2 or 6, 5, 7, 0, 9, or 8
is it frightening to think that you have no voice?
let your lack of a voice be heard. a week from today i will be halfway across the earth. pray that i will learn, though i expect to learn little.
i will take pictures
how i long to be a sheep herder. yet there are those who plan to ruin me (because they do not know me). i want to live to see the face of G-d and then be called a fool, delusional, an old alone hermit. but have a heart more steadfast than those who deny me that only the wise will see(those who are called beatnixs and new generation fags will see, and maybe they will want to be like me),
aaron 4
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| Swallowed Whole By These City Walls |
[10 Mar 2009|01:09pm] |
Here is my problem: if I asked any two people that were considerably close to me what I should do with my life, what I should become, what "career" I should take up; i would undoubtedly receive completely different answers and I would be indifferent to either one.
Which is the most universal human characteristic: fear, or laziness?
nyet spasiba,
aaron 4
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[22 Feb 2009|09:28pm] |
get upstairs groupie. get upstairs now.
thank you. see you at the bottom of the sea.
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| The Lazy Fair and Free-Market Carnivalism |
[26 Jan 2009|03:58pm] |
two quick thoughts:
Grand Blanc schools should change there mascot from the bobcats to the sharks... (get it, Grand Blanc= Great White)
thought number 2:
economics makes me hungry. it makes me want to ecnom-nom-nom.
man, i'm on a roll today.
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[24 Jan 2009|08:30pm] |
I will start by writing something short, then nothing at all...
Khaki soft sand mingled with twigs and leaves
Where island forests meet the inland sea.
A.A.R.O.n4
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[21 Jan 2009|11:18pm] |
i watched a video about the Sahara (الصحراء) in my geography of Africa class and there was a short scene about a nomadic tribe and the narrator said something that to me seemed quite profound. He said "The life of a wanderer cannot allow the accumulation of things."
that's all,
aaron 4
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[28 Dec 2008|09:42pm] |
Two years he walks the earth...
and yet i have no words to define them. i will miss the pain and struggle.
i acted alone,
complete freedom,
serenity, solitude.
i am coming to the end of a spiritual journey. i wish i had made a better effort into documenting the details and progress of my growth, but perhaps not many can learn as i have, temperamentally speaking.
i come out of this experience a split man. half eagerly awaiting a glorious return to society, the other half of me wanting to fall deep down the rabbit hole of spiritual solitude, not to say that either one of those halves is the more Truthful or Righteous way.
i am growing scarred of what might happen in my life these next few years, but it is a similar fear to that i had 2 years ago, and it is much easier to cope with. i feel like my head is underwater. dull noises of the surface sloshing around above the chaos surrounding me. my fear will not last long, however, and my Brothers will pull me back into the air as it they did 2 years ago.
that light is G-d,
aaron 4
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[13 Dec 2008|12:14am] |
the charges are set. soon i will detonate the dam that was built around my mind. the destruction wont come from the explosion, but from the waiting water. Potential energy, potentially. i wait, though, to let these last bits of runoff fill the reservoir. i will be waiting in my plastic raft in the artificial lake, ready to paint the walls of the canyon when the dam blows so everyone will remember how high the water was when i washed through them.
the greatest tragedy in spiritual life is to be immersed in unreality. and when my wave of water carries me to the sea, i will know if i was really alive. will i be free or just in a giant reservoir.
or maybe i was free all along. everything is wasted, everything is vanity.
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| Pierrot le Fou |
[08 Dec 2008|09:07pm] |
went out to smoke a clove alone in the cold...
windy and cold. a beautiful night. thin clouds dispersed the light of the moon and other light pollution from the ground. bright skies later giving way to clear skies and stars. it will be cold tomorrow. i like that. i like cold air in my lungs.
i think i'm gonna apply for a cannabis card when all the legal stuff is taken care of for prop 1. i never really thought about it, but i have always pushed my physical health aside because i know that prescription drugs are not safe and only made so that people keep using them. i feel now there is a safe alternative that i am capable of managing.
im just a used, tired clown,
aaron4
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| Lord Baltimore |
[06 Dec 2008|10:05pm] |
why didnt anyone wake me up. i slept for to long and people moved on. Im awake now but this house is empty; empty garage, empty stomach, empty refrigerator, full fresh mind. i was awake and there was nothing for me to do.
i want to be 15 again, except not in davison. i know i would not have the wisdom i now if not for my past, but i feel like i missed the chance to learn something real. i have been thinking a lot about art and culture lately. does pure art and pure culture mean blind to everything else. the price of freedom is loneliness. freedom is honesty. who is willing to pay that? the price of security is freedom, and security can look to be a solid wall, but really be only paper thin. you can add to it, but only around the edges. its a lie.
how much security is safe?
and there i go again. whenever i try to create something i got right back to talking about being free. but the truth is i cant handle being free. im weak and lazy and hide in my room all day. i mute my tv and computer when my parents walk by to create the illusion that im not there. oh wow.
i think if i wasnt so lazy and actually took these words and reformatted them a bit i could really maybe open someones eyes as mine were over many car rides, but i lack focus. hahaha. oh wow.
lets take the edges off,
aaron4
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| Galactic Fates |
[24 Nov 2008|09:22pm] |
i have had strange dreams the past few nights. Maybe because they coincide quite well with my reality. the feeling of slowly starving, weight of woman laying on my chest (not sexually), biting tongues and forced smiles. I dont think i have felt any closer to death, starving to death is definitely terrifing but an honorable death in my experience. it is painful, but not pains of hunger. you lack the energy to move, your muscle become like an engine without oil. every to you try to move your body tells you to stop. you can fight it though, you have the option to survive.
I have found myself to have the same likeness of Dan Dreidburg. Just an introverted boy, i am an interesting boy, i think im intelectual but no one is talking now. Well i might be an introvert to them, faux-fashionistas dressed deep as any paper plate. thats a lie, just me alone in hell and damnation. if only i knew where i put my libido. i wish it was as easy as putting on a mask.
hope college. i get to attached. i want to kill my feet, because they take me away from all those pretty names and faces.
here is to my friends i accidently met,
aaron 4
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[08 Nov 2008|12:24am] |
well the election is over and i feel like i need to debrief. it was a long and overwellming 20 months. it has change me; cured my apathy and made me more politically aware.
this is just a few words i want to say; nothing against Obama, and nothing against McCain.
throughout this election i felt that a lot of us were look for a politician to save us: someone to save us from Bush, the war, save the enviroment, save the economy, save us from gas prices (which doesnt really matter now but was a bigger issue than the war until a month ago). and now we have chosen someone. Someone to save us.
We are putting all of are faith in Obama to restore this country. everybody is looking at him to cure our disfunctions. we are placing our faith for the future of the country in the hands of a politician. our country became great not because of what politicians did, but because of what they couldnt do(we made a constitution to control gov't). the faith in our country is(and if not, should be) in ourselves, its in freedom, its in keeping government in check. We are sending Barack Obama in to save us and do something. His current solution to fix the economy looks a lot like a printing press (McCain had the same plan). You can try to redistribute wealth, but it will only reditribute poverty. (thats not an attack on socialism, just the policies to get there are wrong)They can tax, print money and borrow money to fund the government, but it will be a disaster. The country will be flooded with worthless money and stuck in a war it cant pay for (yeah, he wants out of Iraq, but dont think we will be out of the middle east [i.e. afganistan and potentially pakistan]).
i think Barack Obama is a pretty cool guy. eh is smart and charismatic and doesnt afraid of anything, but his policies (or McCain's for that matter) wont do anything to stop what is coming. (unemployment, stagflation-->inflation, total collapse of the service sector, more unemployment). get your money out of the dollar. It wont be Obama's fault when it happens, but he has a chance (like Bush) to prevent it. this has been caused by 2 decades of bipartisan centrist/statist policy making.
in the words of Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg "if you want something done, do it yourself" dont expect the corrupt government to be there. i voted for chuck baldwin. ok im done. its over. no more politics. woe is us, anf all i wanna know is who is coming with me?
NEVER trust the government,
aaron 4
p.s. gun prices are going up because the right wing thinks obama will cut the 2nd amendment. lol wat. (which he helped do in Illinios, and chicago has some of the highest amount of gun related murder rates in the country and the more gun homicides than soldiers who died in Iraq this past summer. they just need stricter laws right? /sarcasm) sorry, that was my last Obama flame. i just think guns are cool and so is the constitution. ok now im done.
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